I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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