I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
