Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
