she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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