I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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