Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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