I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
