What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
