the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
