does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
