The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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