How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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