**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
