So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
