I will die if light touches me.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
