I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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