Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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