So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
