you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
