I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Little spoons don't ask big questions
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
