I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
