Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
