Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
