don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
