I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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