I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
