Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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