I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
