all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm at about main and main street
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
