i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
