she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
