are you so shy because you have an std?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
