His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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