I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
