im drinking this country out of the recession.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
