Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
