I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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