I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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