we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
