i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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