you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
