I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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