I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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