...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
