so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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