u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
