I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
