well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
