If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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