Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
