I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
