I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
