My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
