please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
