It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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